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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I Must be Living Someone Else's Life !

I was only 13. I brought a pup home after fighting with all my family. I called it Mickey. The dog died after a year. Everyone else in my family cried and I kept wondering why.

My father had a heart attack when I was 15. He loved me the most amongst all the siblings. No one told me about it, scared, that it would break me. Five days later they took me to the ICU. Tears rolled down my father's eyes on seeing me. I was cool. He got better and I kept wondering what the fuss was all about.

I did not do my homework and projects in school. My brother and my sister did it for me. I did not fill a single application form for admission to a college. My Father did it for me. I appeared for one interview, got selected and joined up. That happened to be the first and the last interview of my life. Till now, that is.

My work life was no different. I was just not concerned ( The Xomba user ‘notconcerned’ must be getting concerned). Nothing fazed me and somehow without much effort on my part, things kept falling into place, they still do.

I don’t get angry, unless someone wastes his or her entire life and soul trying to do that. Nothing affects me. At times I have to act to show people that I am angry.

I don’t get frustrated. I take it as God’s will and start planning about what to do next. No point wondering why and how? I know when to quit. Some people call it positive thinking, some, evasive action.

I don’t stop to wonder what is happening. I don’t analyze myself and nor do I try to critically look at my own actions. I don’t feel, anything. I am out of touch with my feelings or maybe I don’t want to be in touch.

I don’t show my emotions, presuming I have any. Some consider it macho, some cowardly.

I drink. I smoke. I overeat. I swear. I just couldn’t care less. I don’t exercise. I don’t have many friends. I don’t trust anyone, neither does anyone else, me. I don’t know where my life is heading and somehow it does not matter to me.

What is it with me? Am I mad, crazy or just too wise? Either that, or I must be living someone else’s life.

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